.:Eternal Eternity:. v3.0

I'm exploring the ruins of an old social network, looking for something of value. Or maybe, just curious whether there's still anyone around. It's my first time around here.
Time seems to have frozen around here, forever stuck around the same time frame. The year is 20__; it's all over the calendars everywhere. There's still traces of that destructive blizzard around the place. As I look around, I can't help but wonder: where did everybody go? I want to think that they just relocated somewhere else, and that they're doing well elsewhere, still keeping in touch somehow. Or, that they left immediately after the storm; that would be understandable. The alternative, which is what I'm seeing around me...is something too sad for me to have ever considered it. It would mean that people hardened up themselves, endured the storm, stuck around for one last hurrah, and then...they just left, for good.
Occassionally, I stumble with lone villagers here and there; there's just too few of them, and too sparsely distributed to be even considered a community. I just observe them from the distance. Each one of them seem to be living in their own little world, at this point.

There are surviving villages in other continents; I live in one of them. But none of them have the sheer size of these old ruins, and they all pale in comparison. In those villages, people have embraced a simpler life, without the tribulations of a big town. And yet, seeing these ruins, it makes me want to cry and scream in frustration. I want more. I want to do more, but I feel powerless; I'm on my own. It's not fair.

But...why?! This is a story that I have experienced a few times. Normally, small is good; a relief, even. But this time, it doesn't feel enough. It doesn't feel right.
What do I take from this visit? Honestly, I'm not sure yet. It has certainly changed my perspective obtained from history books, but not for the better.
I go back to my tiny village. Life is cozy as always. We know the storm is coming ahead; but for the time being, we're just doing our lives as usual. When the time comes, we'll just lock up in our tiny homes, and brace ourselves until it's over.
It'll be my first storm ever. It scares me a bit. I know some of my neighbors are indeed survivors. I think what scares me the most...is seeing my neighbors having to face their trauma. That alone makes me want to stick around, though.

I don't know if I'll ever come to terms with the fact that I'm fighting a battle that I just can't win. But for the time being, I'll keep trying. Knowing what's the reward ahead is my motivation; that's the one thing I can take from my visit.

"Are you ready to fully devote yourself?" Always was, always will.
We'll carry on.

Pandemic has proven to be a good chance to do things I've never done before. Such as...idly listening to Youtubers as I'm running mechanical tasks in my computer.
It's all usually pretty idiotic stuff: art youtubers, traveler youtubers, anime youtubers. But once in a while, many of them will share deeply personal videos about how school sucked and X thing changed their lives, allowing them to finally find friends and achieve healthy real lives, without giving up on what they enjoy.

Those are experiences that are enlightening to hear, because I can definitely relate to them, except on the real life part, duh. But I'll still take my cue to write my own experience.

School sucked! (lol) I guess there was just too many things about me to make me unlikeable. Too good grades for my own good, teachers liked me, and I was...a weird kid. Never learned how to properly socialize; I would cling to whoever was nice to me and I would become a freaking leech. Needless to say, that usually backfired. My unusual interests did not exactly help either on appealing to people; whenever I was unable to contain my mouth and ended rambling about Harry Potter or videogames, it was inevitably followed by judgemental looks. Yikes.

High school was the point where I basically became desperate. I turned into anime as an escape from my miserable school days, and securing one single friend became almost a matter of life or death. A real one, one that didn't require for me to act like "a normal person", one that didn't require for me to hide my shameful, weeb ways. At the time, I truly believed that being different was my sin, and yet, I was unable to let go of the one thing that made me a full weeb while allowing me to retain my sanity. This contradiction made my time in HS the more hard to go through.

College was a turning point for me, much as it was for those Youtubers. For once, I finally realized that I wasn't that weird; my college was actually full of weebs, I just happened to have been in the wrong place the whole time. But as opposed to Youtubers, I had pretty much given up on "real life" by this point and had fully embraced online life. Therefore, my college life was anything but memorable; most of the time, I would just limit myself to going back and forth between home and classroom, not spending much time in the college buildings otherwise (mom certainly contributed to this, but that's another story). Looking back, it was kind of a waste, but I didn't think much of it at the time. Forced interactions with unknown people, face to face, would give me too much anxiety (it still does, to a degree). Meanwhile, forums and LJ were my life now, and I was fully committed to it. For the first time ever, I was truly "living" and showing myself exactly the way I was...for better or worse.

Naturally, my leech ways were still fully kicking. I was still desperately trying to get friends, and while I came to understand later that people usually take a muuuuch more casual approach to friendship, it was (still is), unfortunately, a serious business to me xD To further elaborate, being a leech was basically resumed as a "PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEE" attitude at life. Someone like me, with no confidence at all, desperately needed the reassurance that I could be myself: my annoying, noisy, boring, awkward self, without fear of repelling people. Or maybe, I just needed someone willing to reach out to me, without me having to beg for it.
In the end, after years of aggressively pushing, all it took was just for one person to put up with me for a while, for me to be satistifed. My "attention whore" self finally came to an end, never to come back again. And with this, I could finally stop trying to pursue new friendships, be it online or in real life. Trying to reach people, with this permanent fear of potential rejection in the back of my mind, was mentally demanding and time consuming. Being able to stop was a defeat of sorts, but quite liberating, at the same time.

By now, college was over and it was time to get a job. I had to close the door to my online life; there just wasn't enough time for me anymore to put the required commitment. Timing certainly helped; those were the days when LJ was in decline and Tumblr was on the rise (never been a fan of Tumblr myself, urgh). That certainly made it easier, as there was less and less happening in my online life, after all. I went back to my fandom lurker ways, just like in my early days of Internet.

And that brings us to this day.
...wait, that's it?

Well yes, nothing else has happened. I've been working in the same company for the last 9 years, within the same team, except that no one from that original team is there anymore, leaving me as the lead by default, just because there's no one else around having the knowledge to deal with that ancient database /shrugs As with everything else in life, I don't have the courage or the confidence to go out of my comfort zone.
At this point, Youtubers would say "I can finally say that I'm proud of what I have accomplished". That's not the case with me...I can't really say that I have accomplished anything, and there's nothing really that I can be proud of. Unless we're talking about my evergrowing merchandise collection, but this is certainly not something that my parents can proudly talk about, lol.
I'm fully aware that at this point, all I'll leave behind is a big pile of crap to be disposed of, and I'd be lying if I said this doesn't bother me. I've lived up to the expectations of no one, and it wouldn't be totally wrong to label me as a disappointment. My life as a whole is anything but healthy, and I can't even say anymore that I have either a real or an online life xP My online activity is limited to a full check of Twitter timeline, giving likes here and there, rinse and repeat. No interaction whatsoever, except for ocassionally replying to questions on FB. I suppose I can claim to be a functional adult to a degree, but this world is not kind to those like me who failed at grasping the basics of social relationships.
However, the excitement of a future game release date, of an AmiAmi box approaching pick up point, those are the things that drive me forward, as lame, and pathetic, as it may sound like. But I guess...that's enough for now; it's something that not everybody has.

I wonder if I'll have a different story to tell 10 years from now? Only time will tell.

My name is Angie, but I'll answer to Kasumi as well! I live in Chile, South America. I'm a student of Computer Sciences Engineering...a mix of tons of programming, difficult mathematical courses and some weird classes. My student life is far from being exciting, so I rarely talk about it =P (Instead, I end up talking about fandom stuff; way more entertaining for me xD)

( Wanna read more? Check here )

IMPORTANT: This journal doesn't have an open friending policy. Meaning, I won't add you just because you've added me first. Unless you've asked me before. Capice?

It's kind of shameful to refer yourself as a gamer and yet having played so few games ^^' Anyways, I've been able to indulge myself with games as of later. Games that do require time investment so you don't count, Angry Birds.

( Yay, PS2 )

( Wii~ )

I predict these two games will keep me busy for a while xD;

Considering that I have a weakness for female leads, I thought it was a good idea to participate on womenlovefest.
Problem is, that most of my female characters don't get that much hate at all, so it was hard to pick up one.

But there's one that gets hate all across the Internet. My little princess. *points to her icon*
The Super-Dimensional Cinderella, Ranka Lee from Macross Frontier.

Don't expect a great meta post from this =_= You all know how retarded, unclever and ineloquent I can be. But considering just how much hate Ranka gets, even my blabbering can be enough =_=
Also, keep in mind; I haven't seen the movie. This is a series-only rant!
( KIRA!☆ )

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Lame answer's lame. My favorite's a tie between "Hey Jude" and "Let it Be" (see a pattern here?). Other songs I'm fond of are "Yesterday", "Strawberry Fields Forever", "Michelle" and "And I Love Her"...among many others.

I really can't explain my likings concerning The Beatles. While their earlier albums are way more enjoyable to listen to me as a whole (I can never get too far when listening to [the very praised] Sgt. Pepper, or Abbey Road \orz), most of my favorite songs come precisely from their later albums...

Hi, my name's Kasumi and I have weird tastes ._.

Coming out of lurkdom to post a meme, lmao xD

Tagged by strawberryburst 

A) People who have been tagged must write their answers on their journal and replace any question that they dislike with a new, original question.
B) Tag eight people. Don't refuse to do that. Don't tag who tagged you.

( Read more... )

The code_geass  community has kindly reminded me that today's 9/28, the day when 2 years ago, Geass finished and left us with a void impossible to fill |D

So it's time to honour our Emperor |D Geass Sunday in 4chan and Random Curiosity...those were the days. So I want to ask all of you to allow me being more retard than usual, in order to remember for a moment the joy of being a Geass fag *-*

( WARNING: Heavy picspam under the cut )

Do you have more old macros? SHARE THEM WITH ME ♥

Since most people's back already from vacations, and it's been a while since the last one, I think it's a good time to do this:


You know how this works: you defriend, I defriend; I'm not taking anybody away from my f-list on my own.
If I want fandoms to get along, I have to start being able to get along with my own f-list first. And also, I want to have around me people I can trust; people who likes me and respects me as a friend and whom I can respect as well. And since I'm still too coward to make a proper cut, I'll do it this way.
I want to make it easy. Do you think we never clicked, or that we'll never click? Have I ever said/done something that annoyed or bothered you? Haven't I been a good friend? Or simply, do you think we have nothing in common anymore?

It doesn't matter if you think the reason's silly. I'm not even asking for reasons this time; if you want to say something, comments are screened and anon commenting's enabled as always, but you're free for defriending without saying something at all if you wish. No hard feelings, no strings attached.

Oh, and *waves everybody*

First, a moment of fangirling.

FINALLY. SUBBED TALES OF VESPERIA MOVIE IS OUT ♥♥♥

My university has become such a funny place. It's full of LCDs, and if you go there any of these days, you'll see every single one of them showing a soccer match x'DDD

For more funny things about the World Cup, check this adorable interpretation of the England vs USA match xD



Want more? Check out here Germany vs Australia x'D

My country's playing tomorrow early in the morning. I hope I can get up on time ='D