As if I wasn't full of envy myself. I am. Every single time I realize I lack that 'something else' that makes people be attracted to you. Every single time I see people having it in abundance. And every time I realize there's people who'll never look at me as a worthy, important being.
The thing about talent is, you don't need to share it just with a small group of people. Actually, that's selfish. You're right that talent alone's not enough. But, that special mix of talent + passion/love/whatever you want to call it...it will make sooner than later for people to look up to you, to respect you, to consider your sole presence and opinion as something of real worth.
I can't aim to achieve that. Yes, I'm greedy. I want people to look up to me. I want people to see me as an equal. Not as your typical rabid fangirl. But I guess that's too much to ask, isn't it...
It's not as if I don't feel that pang of hurt at times. Sometimes I wonder to myself what should I have to talk about to get people interested. See, I know I have people who'll only comment when I share a doujin. I have people who'll only comment when I make a fandom rant. And so goes on.
Sometimes I also wonder how much of a bother I am by commenting on everywhere. Because, you know, sometimes I get this feeling some people reply just out of courtesy. It's just a matter of seeing other comments. And you know what, that feeling hurts even more than not getting a reply at all.
See, that's why I say people look at me as boring. People get bored talking about themselves. People always have to start a conversation with me. It's not as if I have a lot to say about myself...and anyways, I don't really feel like taking the risk. Years ago, I was called suffocating for being too clingy. I had to change myself. And I don't think I could stand being called obnoxious once again. So yes; you /could/ say I'm selfish in a way. The awkward silences and replies I get when I try to open a conversation of my own, they aren't exactly pleasant. I'm sorry if I've made you think I'm purposely ignoring you because it's not like that.
And this is why I'm doomed to remain here, perpetually whining. But you, you have the will and ability to approach people, to get them to like you the way you'd wish to. This is not me trying to make you feel better, it's just the truth. So go ahead, human being. We're all human, after all. How about beginning to genuinely care. To show interest for the other, even when you know you won't get it back. That's the first step. Once you achieve it, you'll realize you have nothing to envy me.
I can't wait to see what you can get from here. I bet it'll be good.
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2010-06-25 07:16 am (UTC)The thing about talent is, you don't need to share it just with a small group of people. Actually, that's selfish. You're right that talent alone's not enough. But, that special mix of talent + passion/love/whatever you want to call it...it will make sooner than later for people to look up to you, to respect you, to consider your sole presence and opinion as something of real worth.
I can't aim to achieve that. Yes, I'm greedy. I want people to look up to me. I want people to see me as an equal. Not as your typical rabid fangirl. But I guess that's too much to ask, isn't it...
It's not as if I don't feel that pang of hurt at times. Sometimes I wonder to myself what should I have to talk about to get people interested. See, I know I have people who'll only comment when I share a doujin. I have people who'll only comment when I make a fandom rant. And so goes on.
Sometimes I also wonder how much of a bother I am by commenting on everywhere. Because, you know, sometimes I get this feeling some people reply just out of courtesy. It's just a matter of seeing other comments. And you know what, that feeling hurts even more than not getting a reply at all.
See, that's why I say people look at me as boring. People get bored talking about themselves. People always have to start a conversation with me. It's not as if I have a lot to say about myself...and anyways, I don't really feel like taking the risk. Years ago, I was called suffocating for being too clingy. I had to change myself. And I don't think I could stand being called obnoxious once again. So yes; you /could/ say I'm selfish in a way. The awkward silences and replies I get when I try to open a conversation of my own, they aren't exactly pleasant. I'm sorry if I've made you think I'm purposely ignoring you because it's not like that.
And this is why I'm doomed to remain here, perpetually whining. But you, you have the will and ability to approach people, to get them to like you the way you'd wish to. This is not me trying to make you feel better, it's just the truth. So go ahead, human being. We're all human, after all. How about beginning to genuinely care. To show interest for the other, even when you know you won't get it back. That's the first step. Once you achieve it, you'll realize you have nothing to envy me.
I can't wait to see what you can get from here. I bet it'll be good.